How to STOP people pleasing

Do you ever feel like you catch yourself wondering how your husband would want you to act?

What your mother would tell you to do with your baby?

When  your baby grows up will she say she has a good mom? 

Do you do what your friends want to do, even if you may have preferred another option?

Mama, you are not alone. We all have this tendency. It is human nature to want to feel liked and included, and so our brain really does try to avoid social pain and conflict, and tries to get us to people please. Its that simple.

I spend my time thinking about what my husband is thinking and wonder how he would want me to act. Does he think I’m a good mom? Does he see that I am trying so hard to care for everyone? This limits me as it causes me to act in accordance with what I think he would like.

When we think about what others are thinking, and what they want from us, we actually limit our own thinking. When we limit our own thinking, and only think thoughts involving what we think the other would want, we actually act from a place of caution. When we act from caution, we aren’t showing up as our most authentic selves. 

When we are not acting as our authentic selves, and being true to what we want to do, we feel bad. We feel like we are constantly trying to make others happy, and are not necessarily happy ourselves. 

So how do we stop this habit of pleasing people ? Well, its not easy but it involves constant self coaching and realigning with our authentic selves. 

Start by taking a blank piece of paper and answering the following questions

• What are two adjectives that I would like to be described as (ex: generous and kind)?
• How do I want to act in the face of any situation?
• What values are most important to me?
• What traits do I admire in other people?

From these questions you will be able to decipher who you want to be in any situation. You will align with that person and seek to ‘please’ yourself, instead of people pleasing others.

Want to take this work further and stop people pleasing for good? Book a FREE session with me.